Is nursing for me?

Lately I’ve been debating whether I’ll make a good nurse or not. It all started two weeks ago when on a Monday morning I looked out the living room window and saw a few police cars and the coroner at my neighbor’s house. I knew right away that someone had passed away, it was an eerily similar view of when my cousin passed almost exactly seven years prior. I spent the entire morning coming up with a whole whack of scenarios as to what happened and who had passed. At one point I was even wondering if they both passed away because of carbon monoxide poisoning (they had their furnace changed the week before). I had an overwhelming feeling that I needed to do something so later that day after a lot of friends and family had arrived I snuck over and brought them trays of food. A few days later I found out that it was their 23 year old daughter who had suffered from a brain aneurism during the night. I was hoping and praying that it was an elderly relative who had died, I never once considered one of their children.

The reason this situation started me questioning my career choice is because I just couldn’t stop crying. I spent days just looking across the street at the seemingly calm home knowing the sorrow and chaos that was going on inside and I would just start weeping. So this is the question I’ve been asking myself… How am I going to be able to handle death without completely breaking down? How am I going to console family members while I’m weeping? Heaven forbid a child is involved, I would just lose it.  I mean seriously I can’t even watch a commercial about peanut butter without crying. I think my empathy will help me be a great nurse I’ve just got to learn to get a hold of my emotions. If only I knew how!

 On a happier note I just got 92% on my latest anatomy exam wooo go me!

A reflection on listening...

A reflection from my Interpersonal Communication class......

Listening is a process that happens when an individual creates meaning from, remembers and responds to verbal and nonverbal communication. The listener must be present and decide to pay attention for the above to occur. Active listening is when the listener is engaged and shows the other party that they are engaged.                                                                                                                                  

I guess my best example of someone not listening to me would be when trying to help my daughter with her homework. When she comes home with homework she isn’t quite sure how to accomplish she tends to completely shut down. She goes into her own little world, she plays with her pencil and won’t even acknowledge me. I’m confused as to why she does it, I’m not mean, disapproving or annoyed with her and I genuinely want to help her. I suppose the listening barrier could be a mix of her being self-absorbed (thinking about what she would rather be doing), having information overload from her day at school but I also think she is engaging in a lot of negative self-talk. I try to get her attention by calmly explaining that it’s not a big deal and with a little help she will be able to do it. I do feel sympathetic towards her but after a while it gets incredibly frustrating and I become annoyed when she doesn’t respond. I worry about how she perceives herself and it makes me sad that she thinks she can’t accomplish anything she puts her mind to. These homework sessions tend to end with her in tears saying she’s dumb and with me telling her she is amazing and smart and just needs a little help. Eventually after a lot of emotion from both of us and some hugs she finally starts to listen and we get the homework done. I wish she would have the confidence in herself and in me from the beginning and not shut down the feedback loop with her negative self-talk.

As a listener I try my best to be actively involved in the conversation but I have a bad habit of getting distracted either from my surroundings or from my own self-talk. When I realize that I’m off in my own little world I try to re-establish an active role by really listening and then responding in a way that shows I have been paying attention. I believe being a good listener takes a lot of practice. I’ve been trying out some tips I read in our text book: using self-talk to regain focus, establish eye contact, and to mentally summarize the details of what is being communicated both verbally and non verbally. It seems to be helping but I think it will be an ongoing task for me.

Day 2 of clinical

Today was my second day of clinical although I was still nervous it turned out to be another great day. I cannot wait until the day I feel comfortable and confident. One moment that really stands out from today was when I helped feed D. This was my first time helping out with feeding, I walked into the dining room (full of nervous energy) and was told to sit with D. They told me to mix his cereal and his yogurt into two glasses of liquid that he would then drink. One looked like chocolate and one looked like vanilla so I tried to mix the cereal with the vanilla and the strawberry yogurt into the chocolate to try to come up with great tasting flavour combinations. This was my first experience with D. he wasn’t verbal but we did have a moment when he stared at me for a while, he did seem to have difficulty opening his eyes and maintaining eye contact but he did, so I made sure to maintain eye contact and smile.  He seemed to be checking me out, maybe trying to assess whether I made the cut or not. So I decided speak to him mentioning how the strawberry and chocolate smelled great and how it was hard to stay awake because it was so early. It was a wonderful moment and I’m pretty sure I made the cut. It makes me feel sad when I see people who once were full of life seem to now be stuck in their own body. I didn’t have much of a problem helping him drink but every now and then he would start coughing so I put the cup down and rubbed his back to try and provide some comfort. If I get the opportunity to hang out with D. again I think I will try to talk to him more even if he doesn’t seem to respond and rest my left hand on his arm to provide more comfort while he performs the difficult task of eating. Next week we’re on our own eek!