A reflection from my Interpersonal Communication class......
Listening is a process that happens when an individual
creates meaning from, remembers and responds to verbal and nonverbal
communication. The listener must be present and decide to pay attention for the
above to occur. Active listening is when the listener is engaged and shows the
other party that they are engaged.
I guess my best example of someone not listening to me
would be when trying to help my daughter with her homework. When she comes home
with homework she isn’t quite sure how to accomplish she tends to completely
shut down. She goes into her own little world, she plays with her pencil and
won’t even acknowledge me. I’m confused as to why she does it, I’m not mean,
disapproving or annoyed with her and I genuinely want to help her. I suppose
the listening barrier could be a mix of her being self-absorbed (thinking about
what she would rather be doing), having information overload from her day at
school but I also think she is engaging in a lot of negative self-talk. I try
to get her attention by calmly explaining that it’s not a big deal and with a
little help she will be able to do it. I do feel sympathetic towards her but
after a while it gets incredibly frustrating and I become annoyed when she
doesn’t respond. I worry about how she perceives herself and it makes me sad
that she thinks she can’t accomplish anything she puts her mind to. These
homework sessions tend to end with her in tears saying she’s dumb and with me
telling her she is amazing and smart and just needs a little help. Eventually
after a lot of emotion from both of us and some hugs she finally starts to
listen and we get the homework done. I wish she would have the confidence in
herself and in me from the beginning and not shut down the feedback loop with
her negative self-talk.
As a listener I try my best to be actively involved in
the conversation but I have a bad habit of getting distracted either from my surroundings
or from my own self-talk. When I realize that I’m off in my own little world I
try to re-establish an active role by really listening and then responding in a
way that shows I have been paying attention. I believe being a good listener
takes a lot of practice. I’ve been trying out some tips I read in our text
book: using self-talk to regain focus, establish eye contact, and to mentally
summarize the details of what is being communicated both verbally and non verbally. It seems to be helping but I think it will be an ongoing task for
me.
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